it is what it is

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277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

it is what it is

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twiter

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Source: these-times-shall-pass

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almost a full year in, i have learned a lot in this relationship. i have learned to always put myself first and love will follow, the right person will want what’s best for you as well, i have learned what is like to have a partner who pushes you to... — almost a full year in, i have learned a lot in this relationship. i have learned to always put myself first and love will follow, the right person will want what’s best for you as well, i have learned what is like to have a partner who pushes you to be your best self, i have learned a TON about communication both the importance of it and what works best for our relationship, i have learned that relationships take work and that’s what makes it better, i have learned to be a partner and to put myself in other’s shoes. i am happy and feel confident in myself and my relationship.

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avadarlene-deactivated20221002

Source: galmeetsglam.com

we just match i love us. he makes me happy even though we aren’t together. i’m like we can maintain this so called friendship and i only day so called because usually friends don’t regularly hook up but details yknow. hoping i get to see him this... — we just match i love us. he makes me happy even though we aren’t together. i’m like we can maintain this so called friendship and i only day so called because usually friends don’t regularly hook up but details yknow. hoping i get to see him this week but if not it’s okay. he kinda sucks rn because he’s moving in with what’s her face but it’s fine everything’s fine IM FINE!!!!

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closet-keys

One thing I think is useful to conceptualize when thinking about the severity of depression is figuring out what counts as a ‘task’ to your brain

for example, healthy people outlining the tasks they need to do that day might be something like

- class
- work
- homework

if a healthy person is having a low energy day, maybe it becomes

- make breakfast
- go to class
- class
- go to work
- work
- come home from work
- work on an essay
- do 2 readings

a depressed person, on a high energy day will probably see that same day as

- make breakfast
- eat breakfast
- take meds
- shower
- get dressed
- walk to bus
- take bus
… etc

a depressed person, on a low energy day will see that same day as

- wake up
- get out of bed
- walk to bathroom
- use bathroom
- stand back up
- walk to kitchen
- open fridge
- take out juice
- set on counter
- go to cabinet
- reach up arm
- take down glass
- unscrew lid of juice carton
- pour juice
- drink the juice
- finish the juice
…etc

the sort of chronic exhaustion manifests in how each ‘task’ takes a certain amount of energy and when you have depression, what begins to take that amount of energy- and thus, cognitively count as a ‘task’- are smaller and smaller subdivisions of what other people consider tasks.

And the more ‘tasks’ you do, the less energy you have, and the smaller the subdivisions must be to take equivalent amounts of energy. And the longer that “to do” list of tasks is, the more exhausting and overwhelming and hopeless it feels, which creates a feedback loop of dysfunction.

So say our depressed person on a low energy day gets all the way to finishing their glass of juice. They’ve actually gotten through a lot of tasks! They’ve tried really hard.

But to a healthy person, even on a low energy day, that probably looks like not having done anything- not having gotten through any tasks. And when our depressed person is surrounded by healthy people, they will likely internalize that they haven’t done anything, and further that they can’t complete any tasks no matter how hard they try. And that feeds worthlessness and suicidal ideation

That, I think, is why it’s so important to encourage your depressed and chronically low-energy friends when they accomplish tasks, even if they’re operating at a level of subdivision that you don’t recognize. It is an accomplishment to get water and actually drink it for some folks. It is an accomplishment to get to class or to work.

And acknowledging how hard someone is trying and how much energy they’re putting towards accomplishing those tasks can make a huge difference in whether they feel worthless and hopeless or whether they feel like it’s worth it to keep doing what they can.